I float through the warm night air, embraced by the veins of stars which stain the black canvas sky. Will my mind fade to dust with my brain when I die? For now though I focus on each colour fuelled moment, regardless of the emotional whirlwinds that breathe through my body. I wonder what causes this colour and these emotions around me. Sometimes it feels like a fan; swaying winds, twisters within.
I get this feeling in my bones sometimes.. It feels like my legs might fall away, heavily sinking into open space. I sway, until those jolts drive me awake. Heartbeats were once drifting together, but alone in emptiness they feel so small, so frail. Is this love’s tail.
Hello, I’m the one that sees. Slipping in space, fading in time, my head explodes to colourful dust where fragments of my mind are left behind, and new blossoming moments and memories are stored in my brain’s meat machinery. I pause, as the one who sees. I breathe.. And feel. But still it all continues around me.
I bathe in you. Drenched in my love for you I can’t even think of you, without feeling spastic jolts through my torso. I imagined our baby together once. I imagined forgiveness.. No, I imagined understanding I guess. Splashes of paint like memories crust my vision. I peel it all back, to let it all run. I long to hear the words “te amo” once again. I think of what I would do to hear it just one more time. I think of what I wouldn’t do also. Where and what is that border line? The streaming pathways that would flood in pure beautiful emotion, like the warmth of liquid running pristine patterns within you. What are those feelings worth? Those actions you would undertake to feel true love clearly represent the insanity of it all.
Do I love too deeply, too easily? Why am I flooded with desire for that pure heavenly flower. The day we fell in love is my most sacred memory, yet my body will not allow me access to it because it is linked to pictures of the mess I caused. I’m so sorry I hurt you until you became emotionless toward me. I couldn’t contain that deep hurt of my own and I paid the price.
Two hearts, unchained, flying. I just want to fly again.. I would fly so differently these days. If only you could know that with or without you, my flight path has stabilised and balanced.. Already filled with warm feelings, which sometimes cloud my mind with passionate veils. I miss you. I hope you are happy. We all deserve to be.
Anyway, I’m travelling somewhere, could be anywhere, but I don’t care. I drift deeper into the sound of the rush coming. It could come from the coldness of the winter air, the water running through crevices of pushed aside hair, the fire of passion or the dust on the ground somewhere. It could be anywhere, so bring it on. Embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes.
Moonlight Memoirs 